I really dont know where to begin with this blog. About 4 days ago the tears started coming, yes, because of how much im going to miss my friends but mostly because i was scared. I was really questioning myself on if i really wanted to move or not. I never doubted a move so much in my life. I wondered if i was doing the right thing. I prayed and prayed about it all day everyday and it felt as if my heart,NOT MY HEAD,was telling me it was the wrong thing to do. I was about to face a HUGE life change. I am so use to doing what i want to do,when i want to do it. Now it's all completely different. I have to live on a TIGHT budget,Obey my brothers rules,i cant necessarily go out and do what i want whenever i want,my life will pretty much be school and work. So i thought to myself,WHY?,why go backwards again? I felt so torn. Then the other night i talked to my brother,i told him all my doubts and how my relationship with God was slipping,and how i felt like such a failure to be doing this again. AMAZINGLY,he said all the things i needed to hear,and informed me that he loved me and cared for me and wouldnt be doing this if he didnt think i could and that,yes,it will be tough but i am doing the right thing. Living on my own in Maryland was actually making me go backwards in life because i was living paycheck to paycheck and wasnt goin to school. I was just doing the same thing everyday,not necessarily moving forward at all. So yes,i know this is going to be something that i have to really fight through and its going to be tough but i do,IN FACT,have God on my side,My Family and Boyfriend here supporting me every step of the way. I'm ready to do whatever i have to,to have a better,more stable life and a growing relationship with God.
Yesterday, I helped Caitlin,Nicole and Bryan move into their new place and WOW,that was tiring. [: haha It is a gorgeous place though and i am so very happy for them!! After moving everything we could get for the day,Caitlin and i went over to her mom's house and said goodbye. Then we headed back to the apartment and packed everything we could fit into her car. When it came to the last thing in my room,i did a very typical thing people usually do in movies or on TV. I stood in the middle of my room,and looked around,remembering all the moments i have had in that room. Some happy,some sad,and even some life changing moments. I stood there for a couple minutes,picked up my las box,and walked out. I drove most of the way there,which really wasnt that bad,just tiring. We arrived here,in VA Beach,Around 10:30,unpacked the car,hung out for a little bit,then Caity left. As i layed there going to sleep,i thought to myself,"HERE WE GO!" .. I'm soo ready.
The People that i had met while living in Maryland are people that i will NEVER forget in my entire lifetime. I've made some amazing friends,but i've also lost a few,one in particular that at times,i forget how close i actually was to that friend. This move made the fact of losing that friend,hit me even harder than ever before and i wish that in some way,we could still be close,But some people aren't meant to be in your life sometimes i guess. Maryland was definetly an experience in life that has made me learn a lot. There were good times,and there were bad times,But the good times have always,and will always,outweigh the bad. Nicole,Patrick,Bryan,Rachel,Nick,Bethany,CJ and Danielle have each made my life so beautiful at one time or another and i'm so thankful that i met these people,Even if we talk all the time or not at all,they will forever be in my hearts.
Let The Waters Rise
14 years ago
