i havent been a very nice girlfriend lately .. tonys still gone and sadly enough,ive been taking all of my frustration out on him during these wack weeks .. i havent even been able to recognize myself at all .. & its not like its his fault,honestly,he's trying his best to please everyone and here i am being "miss self-pity,wahhh,cryy,my life is falling apart!!!" .. when really,its not.. at all.. everything is fine. I've just been over-reacting about school,work and the homelife. I've been letting things get to me more than usual and i really couldnt pinpoint what was causing all of it .. I'm guessing that its this chantix medicine. I've been taking it for a few weeks now and its been working great. except for the occasional dizzy spells that led me to almost passing out at work tuesday. I usually dont get the side affects of any medicine i take but this actually did lead me into this really bad state of mind .. not fun for anyone,especially for my family and tony who had to deal with it .. Thank God they are forgiving people .. but i still feel like crap,especially when it comes to how im acting towards tony because he's dealing with so much crap and im not making it any better when i should. A lot of people see Tony and I's past relationships and think we're not gonna make it. I know for a fact there are people out there waiting for us to break up,but its not gonna happen. These past 7 months have not been easy,trust me,we would both admit that in a heart beat . Its been HARD and we have to work at it every single day,and some days we do want to give up. but we don't. why dont we? because we love each other and we know that our love is real and it can fight through anything. We've gone months w/o talking multiple times,i moved to a different state and our friendship pretty much ended,i even started dating someone else,but some how,it always came back down to me & him .. no matter the distance or circumstance. It started as a long distance relationship for the first 2 months,then God led us both to Virginia Beach,Where we've grown so much together. Our relationship with God could be a lot better but it has been a lot worse before. It is simply amazing how much both of our lives have changed. There's no trust issues,everything is out in the open,we're forgiving,and usually if we fight,it doesn't last very long and we listen to what the other person has to say. We're not perfect,and thats what i love about our relationship. We love e/o for everything we are and everything we're not. I've never had so much fun with someone,as i do with him. Most people wouldn't even recognize Tony if they were to see all the changes in him. I am SO proud to say that he is my boyfriend. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its seriously sad,that it took me writing this blog,to remember all of that. I have the tendency to lose sight of things when i have a lot going on. I just hate that it was my most important relationship. Forgive me?
Number ONE forever&ever baby <3
