questions

I haven't had one of these in years! But seeing as a few close friends have made one,i've decided to as well. I'm Hoping that it will help me as much as it once did.

I've been hit with a few of those "life-changing" questions lately. I'm not quit sure how to approach them though. One of them,MOST people would not approve of at all. So thats why i dont even talk about it to anyone. The other,is the most obvious,which is,"Will Kayla really move?",some people really dont think i will,because i've met so many amazing people here,which is true. I'm still moving though. Virginia Beach isn't quit definite yet and i find myself laying in bed at night wondering if i'd actually be happy there. Being farther away from most family and friends. The truth is,i'm going to keep moving until i find happiness,pure happiness,that lasts longer than a couple days,or throughout the days of a relationship. I know i sound crazy because there may be no such thing as "pure happiness" but i do know that i could be a lot happier than i am right now. I dont like the person i am here,i want to be out in the world doing something with my life. Sometime in my life,i really want to go on a mission trip somewhere,serving god. All i'm doing here is working,barely paying bills on time and working some more. Ok,maybe thats a bit exaggerated but i work a lot. haha. and yes i do have friends,but most of those friends have something else pre-occupying their time. I find that im turning into a person i really dont like. Someone who's mood can instantly be switched from happy to pissed off. Friends see it,i know they do,and the sad thing is,MOST of them KNOW not to say anything because it wouldnt help things. It would just make me more mad. So its not weird for people to come over and me be in my room with the door shut and locked. I dont know whats wrong with me but the more i type in this blog the more i realize its not good. What i do know is im not a nutcase!!! ahaha :] ... i just need to put things in priority and get my life back on a straight path. i just feel that if i stay here,ill just be doing the same thing im doin now,or Maybe october will come around and i'll stay. I'm not sure whats gonna happen. My life is in gods hands and wherever he leads me,i will go.