Las Vegas

Come January,Our lead Pastor at Forefront will be moving to Las Vegas to start up a church on the strip. Yes,i know a lot of you are probably thinking this is completely crazy but after a lot of time and prayer,they feel as if this is something God is telling them to Do. Theres about 30 families going with them already and it looks like they may have a better outcome then what they anticipated. Recently,Tony and I have been feeling as if God wants us to do something bigger in our lives. We love being here but we dont feel like this is where we should be sometimes. So,We are both highly considering the thought of moving to Las Vegas with them and helping them form a new church. So for anyone who reads this,please pray for us and that we recieve an answer from God soon. THANKS!!!

Christmas is coming!!!!!!! [:

It's November 18th and i'm gladly jammin'[?] to so some christmas music. (Relient K-Have yourself a Merry Christmas to be exact ;]) Ok,Ok so maybee i've actually been listening to Christmas Music since like August!! hehe i lurve it [:

So the Lord is doing some AMAZING things in Both Tony and I's life. This Past Sunday,We both got baptized. There was about 6 of us. Since Forefront does not have there own buiding,we typically meet up at the local High School's Auditorium but for baptism services we try to find a church that is open and willing to let us use their building for the night. We were not able to find a place this particular sunday. SOO!!! HEYY!! theres a guy with a really nice jacuzzi in the back of his house!! Yes,we all got baptized in a Jacuzzi in the back yard of a guys house. A lot of people are probably automatically judging that but honestly,it should not matter where or when it happens. Whats important is what it represents. So Stop judging the situation. Everyone who was being baptized had to meet in a little circle while they told us the "instructions",pretty much,what was going to happen. Then the part came where he told us to go up,tell everyone our name and why we were getting Baptized. FREAK TIME FOR KAYLA!!!! As most of you know,i am not the kind of person to get up in front of people that i barely know and actually speak! So i was a tid bit nervous. We got to choose who we waned to baptize us. Tony and i chose my brother,Kevin. DUH!!!!! We were the last ones up. To be specific, I was the last one up. I prayed the ENTIRE time before i went up there. I knew what i wanted to say,i just didnt want to say it to all these people. There was a lot of people!!!!! So Tony went up and i he spoke,then he took the plunge! I was teary eyed until he came from under the water and i realized he was wearing a WHITE SHIRT!! haha,so that was a nice laugh [: So I walk up there,almost fall getting into the jacuzzi ;] ahurr .. and everyone starts screaming SUNGLASSES!!!! Apparently i had sunglasses on my head. ooppss .. So everyone gets quiet and i'm like "ahhh!" (in my head) I started speaking and the only thing i really remember is saying my name. I cant remember the rest. So i took the plunge and as my brother lifted me back up,all i could hear was people clapping like crazy. It felt good. I jumped out ang Hugged my brother very tightly for about 10 seconds. It was AWESOMEE!!! .. It was so cold that night that steam was coming off everyone's body like we were just on fire. Haha. So everyone ran up to us,hugged us,and said congratulations. [: After the service we(Me,Tony,and our gel group) proceeded back to Katy's house for some football and Taco's [:

I am no longer living life on my own. I Am living it with God BUT most importantly,FOR GOD. I couldnt be happier!!!

I've realized recently that out of all the friends i had in Maryland,i only really speak to Caity,Nicole,Bryan and Nick(occasionally). I've tryed talking to everyone else but its like they've all just moved on because i moved. I'm sorry but just because someone moves away,it doesnt mean that the friendship is over.Then i started thinking that maybe they were just not true friends in the first place? I dont know. It was really hard for me to face. I have only been here about a month now and it happened so quickly. I miss them,i do but losing people is a part of life. I'm dealing with it. I'm Thankful for all the friends i have left though ;] i love you guyss!!! hehe. Tony and i have become really close with our gel group,and ive become closer with people at work. So in the end. Its all gooooood!!! [:

till next timee!

ohohoh its magiccc

So its 8AM. and i have work at 12:30. Typically,Back in the bury,i would have slept in till about,i dont know,like 11:30 or 12? Ha ha. So i guess you can say that there is in fact some PLUS' to living here [: .. I think that the whole time i've been here,i've probably slept in until 10? .. yay! it really does make you feel better throughout the day. Anyway-Everything is going really good. I mean, there are bad days of course but we all have e/o at the end of the day. At times we have "meetings" where the four us will sit down and talk about issues we're having either with e/o or in life. It really helps. The new Home Depot i'm at is different. I do not enjoy it. They are very anal about stupid things and its a low volume store. NOT FUNNN!!! :( .. So im looking for another job. and another one. Yes,TWO jobs. It was my choice. My brother put me on a budget,and it looks like i wont be seeing much money for a while. But i dont really NEED anything here. The only thing is Tony and i would like to have at least one night a week where he and i go out and spend time together. This past week,he worked SEVEN days straight and still has to work this week. He gets up everyday around 5 and doesnt get off of work till 3:30. Poor thinggg :( Tomorrow is Election Day. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to vote but cant,since i had not picked up a absentee ballad. argh. OHHHHH tony and i started going to a GEL GROUP last night. For you who dont know what that is,its pretty much a group of people that get together and play games and do a study within the bible. It was fun but something tony and i kinda have to work on getting comfortable with. lol Well,this was kinda just a random update. Haha. So everything is going well,and im sure it will continue this way. [:

A new chapter

I really dont know where to begin with this blog. About 4 days ago the tears started coming, yes, because of how much im going to miss my friends but mostly because i was scared. I was really questioning myself on if i really wanted to move or not. I never doubted a move so much in my life. I wondered if i was doing the right thing. I prayed and prayed about it all day everyday and it felt as if my heart,NOT MY HEAD,was telling me it was the wrong thing to do. I was about to face a HUGE life change. I am so use to doing what i want to do,when i want to do it. Now it's all completely different. I have to live on a TIGHT budget,Obey my brothers rules,i cant necessarily go out and do what i want whenever i want,my life will pretty much be school and work. So i thought to myself,WHY?,why go backwards again? I felt so torn. Then the other night i talked to my brother,i told him all my doubts and how my relationship with God was slipping,and how i felt like such a failure to be doing this again. AMAZINGLY,he said all the things i needed to hear,and informed me that he loved me and cared for me and wouldnt be doing this if he didnt think i could and that,yes,it will be tough but i am doing the right thing. Living on my own in Maryland was actually making me go backwards in life because i was living paycheck to paycheck and wasnt goin to school. I was just doing the same thing everyday,not necessarily moving forward at all. So yes,i know this is going to be something that i have to really fight through and its going to be tough but i do,IN FACT,have God on my side,My Family and Boyfriend here supporting me every step of the way. I'm ready to do whatever i have to,to have a better,more stable life and a growing relationship with God.
Yesterday, I helped Caitlin,Nicole and Bryan move into their new place and WOW,that was tiring. [: haha It is a gorgeous place though and i am so very happy for them!! After moving everything we could get for the day,Caitlin and i went over to her mom's house and said goodbye. Then we headed back to the apartment and packed everything we could fit into her car. When it came to the last thing in my room,i did a very typical thing people usually do in movies or on TV. I stood in the middle of my room,and looked around,remembering all the moments i have had in that room. Some happy,some sad,and even some life changing moments. I stood there for a couple minutes,picked up my las box,and walked out. I drove most of the way there,which really wasnt that bad,just tiring. We arrived here,in VA Beach,Around 10:30,unpacked the car,hung out for a little bit,then Caity left. As i layed there going to sleep,i thought to myself,"HERE WE GO!" .. I'm soo ready.

The People that i had met while living in Maryland are people that i will NEVER forget in my entire lifetime. I've made some amazing friends,but i've also lost a few,one in particular that at times,i forget how close i actually was to that friend. This move made the fact of losing that friend,hit me even harder than ever before and i wish that in some way,we could still be close,But some people aren't meant to be in your life sometimes i guess. Maryland was definetly an experience in life that has made me learn a lot. There were good times,and there were bad times,But the good times have always,and will always,outweigh the bad. Nicole,Patrick,Bryan,Rachel,Nick,Bethany,CJ and Danielle have each made my life so beautiful at one time or another and i'm so thankful that i met these people,Even if we talk all the time or not at all,they will forever be in my hearts.

welcome back,welcome backkkk ahurrr

I'm Back!!! haha .. we completely lost our internet on the computer so i havent been able to update for weeks lol .. thank god i have a awesome room mate [:



Well a lot has happened ...



On Monday August 13,i got a horrible phone call from Tony informing me that my pappy passed away :'( ... We have all been expecting this day to come soon but it was still a shock. I just wish i had seen him one last time. My mother was able to see him sunday though, he had got into a car accident and she had a bad feeling. His passing had nothing to do with th accident though .. The funeral was today and i had everything set and ready to leave last night on a 4 hour bus trip but my father and brother both refused to pick me up from the bus station. So sad. :/ .. I miss my pappy,and i will never ever ever forget him ... <3



On a lighter note,

I finally got my license yesterday :] haha .. i spent the night before my test practicing with Rachel and Adam for 4 HOURS!!! haha Okay,so maybe we weren't practicing the entire time. Haha but it was fun .. Anyway,i went to the MVA completely FREAKING out but that god i have some amazing friends,oh& boyfriend who helped me keep my faith highhhhh [:



I'm moving in exactly ONE week .. I almost started crying this morning at work while nick and i were opening garden. I'm gonna miss these people more than anything. Its gonna be soooo much harder than i thought.
It turns out i have to rent a truck to bring all my crap down and I HAVE to drive it!!! oh joyous day.. [: i hope tony can maybe come up if he doesnt have work and HE can drive the truck and i'll drive his car ^_^ .. Tony's already got a job down in Va. He actually got it the day after he dropped me off at home. PRAISE GOD!! now he just has to find a place to live!!! [: hahaha

Well i dont know if i'll be able to update before i move but expect a BIG one coming if i dont [:

<33

oh meeeee

SO

I'm leaving in 3.5 weeks...scary. Lately,everyday that i've been at work,i'll stop and think to myself HOW MUCH i am going to miss these people. (Yes,i complain about my job a lot,but who doesnt?) I've made some of the BEST of FRIENDS since i've lived here and i couldnt be more thankful. Sometimes,though,i ask myself why i'm even leaving,ya know? why leave this place where i am loved by so many people? And honestly,sometimes it seems stupid but i just have a feeling that i will never accomplish all the things i want to if i were to stay here. But who says i could never come back??! [: Packing has already begun in the apartment. Last Night,caitlin took off all our picture frames and such of the wall. Its so weird. ahh

Tony is coming down tonight .. i think he is trying to make it a surprise but sometimes,he's a bit TOO obvious [: .. its okay though. We are leaving Friday for VA Beach and coming back Tuesday. I'm goin to the college monday i believe to get everything situated with financial aid and what not. Please pray everything works out!!!! .. Tony will probably stay for a couple more days here in MD but then he's headin back up to VA to stay with my brother for 2-3 weeks before i get there!! This should be VERY interesting but im excited!!! [:

<333

yayay!!!

Happiest of  Birthdays Babyyyyyy

[:

The BIG[!] 2-0 

hehe

i love youuu

hahahaha

I think its really funny how some people will beg you to not think badly about them for DUMB things they did in the past,and hope that you will only remember the good times. Then they go and do stupid crap.. yeah "friends forever" .. i think not. I'm so happy that part of my life is gone. We all know IT was pretty much the main cause for all the crazyness this past year..sighhhh

other then that!! LIFES GREAT!! [:

blessed <3

 So i started writing this Wed. but just now am able to finish it [: haha

I arrived home from VA Beach last night. It was definitely an experience this time around. We got there around 6PM friday night and pretty much hung out. Saturday,we all went to the Cantina,which is a something Jada's old neighbor started where he and his wife will bring their work truck full of hot and cold goods and they feed the homeless. It was definitely something i will never forget. There wasnt much of a crowd since it was Labor Day weekend and the cops were trying to push them all away from the ocean front because they all are looked at as complete scum. It was so upsetting. Some of them just got thier food and left,otheres stayed and talked. I will admit that at first i was a bit stand-off[ish] because i had never experienced anything like this but as i started serving them and listening to them from a distance,i became interested in what they had to say so eventually i joined Jada and began talking to them. All the stories i heard were very extreme. Some of them had been out on the streets for years,fighting everyday. I realized so much that day. I realized how truly,truly blessed i am to have what i do because most people,dont even come to close to having it.  I use to find myself complaining about the things i didn't have but since that day,i praise God for everything,especially the little things in life that he has given me. It was an experience that will stick with me forever.

Sunday Morning we went to church (which is the one thing i ALWAYS look forward to when we visit) and it was a great service. He was teaching us that we all have to get out there and serve the lord. For instance-Being a missionary-OH MY! i want to do it soooo bad!!! Vince was telling us about trips that will be happening in the future and i was totally left down when i realized that the meeting to join was this sunday after church and i wont be there :( BUT hopefully once I move they can squeeze me in ;] .. its something i've been very passionate about for the longest time and to have the chance to actually do it,will be a dream come true. [: 

Monday we went to Busch Gardens which let me tell you[!!!] it is AMAZING!!!! we had so much Fun.

Anyway- Update on school,i got accepted,wooo-hooo! lol i know i sound dorky because it is a community college and all,but its exciting! I can't wait to start!!! [:

mmm [:

we live,we love

we forgive and never give up

cause the days we are givin are

gifts from above.

So today we remember 

to LIVE

&

to LOVE

<3

So long sweet summer <3

How amazingly beautiful is it outside?!? ahh [: i love it .. I woke up this morning and i was actually cold. WOAH. Summer is pretty much over and it amazes me how fast the time flew and how much has changed. To think back to the beginning of summer is weird. Things were COMPLETELY different. I had never expected my summer to end this way.  Not that im not absolutely positively happy with it,because i am [: . I started off my summer with intentions to spend it with certain people but ended up barely seeing them. I even had someone i potentially could have started dating but now,i dont even talk to him anymore and sometimes,thats expected with those certain situations. ha-ha. I cant help but smile every time i think back on this summer. I met so many amazing people,REALLY bonded with people i never thought i would and have the greatest memories from the beach,Bethany's house,adventures to wally world,the movies,IHOP,Denny's,OC,Homers angels and even all of us just sitting around talking. I absolutely loved every minute of my Summer and i couldnt be more thankful for all my amazing friends. Now school is starting and everyone is going to begin to get really busy. It really sucks that i wont be able to spend as much time with them as i want to for the next 7 weeks but each and everyone of them will always be in my heart. Meeting them has made it really hard for me to face the fact that i am actually moving because these people have ended up meaning so much more than i ever thought  but  I believe we all share a very special bond that nothing,not even distance,can break. I'm almost positive that every time i actually do visit,that it will be a adventure and will be like things never,ever changed. I love my best friends and am looking forward to whatever life brings in the next month and a half  ^_^

Oh,how i'm going to miss that joker!

;]

who blogs at 4AM?!?! ..... i do!

i guess this is what i get for sleeping like 15 hours LAST night :/

now i rant...

i can not for the life of me get IT(person,placeorthing,use your imagination cause i wont necessarily tell) out of my head !!!! why?!?! its driving me crazy!!! and honestly,it shouldnt be doing this to me. I hate it. I really do. I can not think of ONE reason,ok maybe one,but still,after that theres NO reason why i'm so distraught right now. Maybe distraught isnt the right word cause im not necessarily mopping around all the time. Its just there and i keep being reminded of it or something will POP in my head and i'll dwell on it!!! ughh i got it bad. really bad.

why me.

Goodbyee

It's a shame that it had to be this way. It's not enough to say I'm sorry. It's not enough to say I'm sorry. Maybe I'm to blame Or maybe were the same But either way I can't breathe,Either way I can't breathe.All I had to say is goodbye. Were better off this way,Were better off this way. I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive Cause everything we've been through And everything about you Seemed to be a lie, A guiltless twisted lie. It made me learn to hate you Or hate myself for letting it pass by. All I had to say is goodbye. Were better off this way,Were better off this way. And every, everything isn't only What it seemed. So hold these Words that you never told me. Its time to say goodbye,Its time to say goodbye. Goodbye. Take my hand away. Spell it out. Tell me I was wrong,Tell me I was wrong.

goodbye.

-Secondhand serenade

<3

Pieces.

So the gang and i went to OC as planned and as always,had a complete blast.

At times i found myself in my own little world though. Seeing all the happy,smiling familys! It really brought me down a notch :/ .. I really miss how things use to be. We all use to do so much together now its a very rare occasion when we all get together. I honestly cant remember the last time my whole entire immediate family were in the same proximity as one another. :( I'm really praying things get better. What really killed me was seeing all these little girls with their daddy's. I really miss my dad. BUT i have made a step in the right direction when it comes to that! haha. I took off time in September and im FINALLY going to go visit him. I'm very excited because while i am there,i get to see a lot of other family members! including my Brother,Kyle!!!! :D !! Joyous dayyyy! haha. But yeah,Tony's going to be accompaning me during this mini-vaca and i couldnt be happier. I'm sure everyone is dying to see him just as much! :/ hmmm ...

bite my tonguee

So i figured since i haven't updated in a while,i would! ahurrr! :]

I changed my moving date! It is now October 10! I figured i'll take a week off from work,Move in on the 11 and 12 then come back here for a couple days and say my goodbyes!!! eeekkk .. its coming so fast!  Summers already almost over,but its still the best summer ever,with an exception of some things but whatever. We still got a lot of plans. A friend of mine WAS going to move into the apartment for the next 2 months but has decided against it due to other things going on. Its kinda a reliever :/ ..  Anyway! This past week has got  ubber weird at times and i dont understand why. ha ha. Friendships were slipping but have now found steady ground. Thank God. I really thought i about lost a really good one. 

I have come to realization that i will never understand certain friends of mine. It hurts but thats the way it works i guess. Im just stuck at a crossroad right now,and I'm not quit sure which direction to take. BOTH could end up in heartbreak  but i feel that my life will probably get A LOT easier if i take the hard way out. Doesn't make much sense,i know but you'd understand if you knew.

So this Friday night me and my best are all rollin to OC for some mini-golfing and dinner. I'm very excited. I've spent so much time with all of them this summer which is going to make the move even harder. :( I've met so many great people. argh. Saddens me deeply. Eric left saturday[!!!],which sucks and is ubber weird. Its sad,but hopefully this mini-trip to PA will work out so we can go see him before i move!!

I gotta start getting ready for work,again. I went in at 7AM and left around 2:30 cause nick practically begged me to close tonight. hmmm

lata lovess

&thelivinseasy

So last night was by far the funnest night of my summer..

I was at bethany's and we [bethany,eric,danielle&i] were watchin Crash. Then i needed to make a phone call so i go outside and its pouring the rain down. Danielle and Eric jump up and run outside and stand in it for a good 5 minutes. Then Bethany and i became interested in the fact of standing out in the rain,so we joined. It was soo much fun. The four of us just ran around,like little kids,giggling while running around aimlessly. We did this for a good 20 minutes. We got completely soaked but it was so worth it...

I know it sounds like something very childish to do but you only live once,so why not have fun doing it?! ... You should try it some time,its very exhilirating.

[:

for we cannot say enough,about you

I am praising god left and right these days [: everything is just going so well and im such a happier person !!!!

Tomorrow and this weekend are gonna be pretty much amazing.
Bethany,Nick,Brooke and I (& whoever else wishes to come) will be going to see Batman:The Dark Knight!! It will be the second time around for me [: haha then we will be headin over to iHop,so im ubber excited!!! Then Saturday is Rachel's party,and sunday we be goin to the beach [:

i love my life.

Period.

summer nights

I practically live at Bethany's house. If im not at work,im there.  hmmm. 

I think last night will be a night i will never forget.

Bethany had a bunch of people over,The night started off pretty blahh because i had only had about 4 hours of sleep the night prior and had work at 7AM .. fun times. But once people started showin up,it turned out to be a really fun night. Everyone either left or went to bed around 1AM,except for Nick,Brooke and I. The 3 of us ended up laying on the couch(which i must say was very uncomfortable at times) just talking about anything and everything. Oh and playing truth or dare,which was hilarious.  Time flew and next thing we know,its 6AM and we all had to be up in 2 hours .. i remember looking at the clock at 6:30,then nothing after that,until 8:30 when bethany was waking everyone up and Eric of all people was sleeping next to me. Kinda scary. Nick and I were dragging the whole day at work though,it was so bad,but oh so worth it. The 3 of us really,really bonded last night,and i absolutely love it,i could not have asked for a better night.

i got other things to blog about but im too tired,my bed is calling my name since i only got 2 hours of sleep after stayin up 24 hours. 

bye lovesssssss

go figureee

i cease to amaze myself!

i some how ALWAYS find the ability to fall for the wrong guy

all the timeee!!!

what am i gonna do with myself...

ha.

mmm [:

i love my best friends !!!!!!!!
I'm having such a ridiculously amazing summer!! im actually getting tann!!! [: .. Last summer,i NEVER went to the beach,except for a couple times at night. It really broke my heart. This is the best summer i've had in a while. Yesterday was Def. one of the best days so far [: i went to the beach with bethany and eric,that was an adventure all in itself and just had a blast the whole day! It's really gonna suck when Eric leavess :'( !!! Anyway! Life is turning up! I talked to a counselor the other day from TCC and they have early childhood education as a major!!! yesss! [: and today,Pam and i talked to the Home Depot in VA Beach and all we have to do is send them my past 2 reviews and i'll be considered for a transfer!! Everything is really looking good! I'm beginning to really be able to let go of people .. Especially the ones where its up and down all the time .. Of course ill still be friends with them,things are just going to have to change,ya know? and im ok with that. I have God,and he's the only one i really need in my life. Friends&Family are blessing we recieve,and i couldnt be more thankful for what i have! I love my life,fully&completely,i wouldnt change a thing! i havent felt like this in a long time and i couldnt tell you how happy that truly makes meee!!! [: i'll possibly be posting picturess of all the many adventures i have with my bestt!
Now i have to go back to work .. bluckk

hmm

T I M E

Its amazing how much time can change things,or should i say, how things can change in such a short period of time. I've lost a lot of people in my life,So I'm obviously use to it by now. Some people are just friends that you lose contact with over a course of a few months or years but other times there's those very rare and special people that you lose. The feeling at times can be unbearable and you think you could never get over it. You have your good and your bad days but when it comes down to it you miss that person. A lot. So what do you do? There's not much you actually can do,all you can do is pray for god's guidance and reassurance that your actually going to be okay.( I cant believe I'm actually writing this blog right now. ) How do you honestly deal with losing someone so close though?,honestly! Someone who was this amazing friend. Someone that would be there for you,even at 3AM. Someone who gave you faith and hope in every situation. Someone who made you smile,unlike any other. Ok so the list goes on and on. But could someone honestly blame you for feeling the way you do? What's worse is feeling they don't share the pain with you. It makes you wonder if they finally realized everything you were saying from the beginning. So maybe you should have expected this,knowing sure well how you deal with things and may push people away. You just never expected it to actually happen this way and especially the pain that comes with it.

I'm Sorry...

Breathe in and Breathe out

So since i have to wait like an hour for miss Bethany to get here,i figured i would do something productive! [: Update tiiiime!!!

My Brother FINALLY said yes to me moving down to VA Beach!!! Chhyeahh! [: I'm really happy and ubber excited!! I know its not going to be the best living arrangement but oh well,i really feel that this is where God wants me [: I'm really gonna miss my friends down here though :( .. its definetly going to be hard leaving them behind :/ ... I have awesome plans!! I figure that its too late to register for fall classes so im going to have to wait till January to start up! In the mean time i'll hopefully get a job as a Teachers Aid !! Its gonna be really cool. [Funny thing is,a old friend i barely talk to now was the first one to know all this!! whyy? ... you tell me :/ LOVE!]

My Summers going really good. I'm spending a lot of time with my friends, Goin to the beach and what not. I have a feeling its only going to get better ;]

About a week ago i found out a girl i went to Middle School with got into a car accident and died on impact. I still get chills thinking about it! I had just been looking at her myspace maybe a couple days before then? Its amazing how fast life can be taken away from you. She was only 20 years old! and engaged. Her Fiance was actually following her when she got into the accident so you could only imagine how horrible that was for him :/ ..

This proves my whole point about life being too short for BS ... You gotta just live life,everyday,happily,with the people you want to live it with. You never know what may happen.

That is all for noww <3

i wanna hold your hand <3

Sooooo,I'm just gonna type and if this becomes a interesting blog,so be it [:

I have THREE days off in a row this week! I cant wait! Tomorrow i work 6-3 then i dont have to be back to work until 10am Saturday morning! woooot [: ... I ACTUALLY have plans on all 3 days too!!! ahaha!! .. Wed,im cleaning ( ok maybe thats not excting but to me it is [:) .. Then Thursday me and my loves are goin to da beachhhh then goin back to the apartment to set up for thee partayyyy .. then Friday i sleep and go see FIREWORKS!!! [: haha!! i didnt get to see them last year :(

Today was one of those emotionally draining days. We had no coverage at work,customers are rawr then i had to go out to garden!! I got caught on my cell phone too ;] ! go meeee!

I miss my Best Friend!!!! This whole situation is just sad. I watched a video on YOUTUBE today and literally got chills :( .. I just wish everyone would figure out what they want and stick with it! ya know? .. No more confusion,no more sadness/anger! Just happiness,life is too short to not be with(physically) or spend time with someone that means a lot to you. Especially if theres precious time!!! (3 MONTHS) !!! Thats why this summer,i plan on having as much fun as possible! I Absolutely adore the people ive met here,they are all amazing !! I'm gonna miss them so much :/ .. It kills me he cant be apart of all this.

wowow

random blogg <3

Daddys girl

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. I could try to explain them but they would make absolutley no sense. Except for the one i had last week. Never in my life did i have a nightmare and found myself waking up,screaming and crying. It was the night that i fell asleep at like 7pm and woke up at 11&5&10 .. YEAH i slept 15 hours .. Nice right? Anyway- I fell back to sleep around 5:10[?] then i start dreaming but in my dream,it didnt feel like i fell asleep at all. It felt like i was still just chillin in my bed trying to go back to sleep. Then my father appeared,and we just started talking as if it was natural for someone to just appear in your room at 5AM! [haha] We started off just talkin about general things then he says he has to tell me something,so,i let him speak and the exact words out of his mouth were "I died last night Kayla,i had a heart attack,and i died in my sleep. I'm dead." This is where i started crying hysterically and was trying to call everyone possible to confirm if its true (because i believe that when it actually does happen,i will be the last family member to know because im the most "sensitive",and they wouldnt know how to tell me) .. well i couldnt get in touch with anyone so i started yelling things like "who's gonna walk me down the aisle!"."this cant be true!" .. typical things .. Then i remember driving with someone and being on the phone,i was telling the person what had happened begging them it wasnt true then i slowly began to wake up,i remember opening my eyes very slowly while screaming and crying .. then i fully woke up and still felt like it was true then it hit me that it was just a dream and the biggest wave of relief went through my entire body .. The whole day,i was impatiently waiting for 5PM so i could call my dad and make sure he was ok .. And he was,after calling him about 4 times with no answer,i finally got him and when i heard his voice,tears started to fill my eyes. I told him all about my dream and he kinda laughed cause my dads just like that but after a while he began telling me he was fine and that i have nothing to worry about. So we talked for a little bit more,and when we hung up,i was happy. My dad has the amazing ability to make me happy just by talking to him,i love it. Anyway- i go into work the next day and i begin talking to Sylena and Nick about it and Sylena proceeds to tell me that sometime dreams like that,that feel so real and natural,could be taken as a "token" by god,preparing you for death. Nick and I look at e/o like "whattt?",she starts explaining it to me better,giving me personal experiences. Like how her grandmother had a similar dream about her husband coming home,doing his regular routine but had actually been dead in the dream. Then a week later,he died. So im standing there like "ummm....!!!!" ... scared that it might actually be true. Then i call my friend and he reassures me that story and the possibility of it is completely whack and blah,blah,blah .. So yet again i get the urge to call my Father just to really make sure he's ok,and yes,hes still ok ...

See a lot of people dont know a whole lot about my relationship with Father .. I was always a daddy's girl,even after my parents divorced and i was living with my Mother,Nothing changed. At the age of 15 i moved to WV to finally live with him,lets just say,things didnt work out :/ and i moved back to NJ and didnt speak to my dad for almost 2 years .. The sad thing is,it wasnt my fathers fault why i moved,But he saw it as me giving up on him,and i guess he felt abandoned. So we just stopped talking completely. Every now and then we would write e-mails back and forth but the only thing that came out of it was anger and heartbreak .. Finally,I called him. Thanks to a great friend who encouraged and pushed me whole way to that point [: .. I went into the bathroom and locked the door,sat on the edge of the tub and dialed his work number,as it rang,i was trembling. Then he answered and i was so scared,i was finally blurted out "hi,daddy" and we talked,and it was nice :] .. Ever since then,i call him every sunday. I think now im a even bigger daddy's girl then ever before. My Father is the pusher,hes got tough love and wont give me whatever i want when i want it and i couldnt be more thankful for a father like that. He DOES make me mad sometimes but its only because i dont want to accept the truth in what he's saying. He is the one person i call when im having a really bad day and i KNOW everytime, i will get off the phone with a smile on my face. He has this amazing ability to make me feel better and it def. has to do with his incredible humor (he is,by far,the funniest person in this world). I thank the God everynight for that .. [:

Wow .. this post turned into something completely different from what i was gonna write about. haha <3

ch-ch-changes

So a lot has happened within in this past week of my life!! I cant remember the last time all this crazyness stumbled onto my plate at once! haha. But i must say,i have not been this happy in a long time. Why? i dont know!! its driving me crazy! Typically a person in my situation would be miserable! NOT ME! I dont get it!! ahhh Anyway! I find myself looking for a reason to why i'm so happy and .. it always come to,"Maybe because for once theres clarity in my life? Im not necessarily confused about my feelings towards another person?" YES! thats it! But then i remember what happened a week ago and that reason gets shot to hell! What would someone HONESTLY do in that situation?! I find myself constantly battling over what the right thing to do is. Would reminding him make things akward .... ? or more comfortable .... ? Would we laugh about .... ? or would he get upset .... ? SEE I DONT KNOW! and its driving me nuts!! How would you even remind someone of something they did while being not soo sober? Include it in a friendly conversation "OH! and by the way! THIS HAPPENED" ... hmmm ... I guess its my guilty conscious getting to me because i DOUBT any good would come out of telling him ... Then i see how we act with eachother,and the way we talk. Its unlike anything before. Its very unique. But i wonder its too unique?! maybe weird?! haha. Thing is,i dont want to run the risk of losing his friendship because what happened,happened. We cant change it. So maybe keeping it to myself(and a few close friends) would probably be the smartest thing!

sighh


i'm so use to not being this happy for no reason that im trying to find reasons to be miserable. Which in my eyes,is pretty sad. Its really not working though. I really do see a lot of things in a different perspective and i couldnt be happier that im finally content.

I recently lost someone very special in my life. It was really hard at first. It still is but i guess i've learned to deal with it and move on with my life. Living in the past and dwelling on what could have been or how things could have been better in past,is not gonna help Me. I really had to learn how to let go of people,especially the people i never wanted to but knew i had to. Its something i have to work at everyday and This is when i realize the reason why i am so happy. And the reason is God. Without him, I would not have been able to get through a lot of things in my life. He is guiding me to where he wants me and is helping me every step of the way. He is showing me that in life,you cant always have what or who you want but No matter what,you will always have him. He has bigger and better things planned for me and im so excited to see where he takes me. He has blessed me an amazing family and friends to help me get through this and to be a stronger person. I will forever praise the lord for everything/everyone i have or will have in my life!

Until next time . . .

questions

I haven't had one of these in years! But seeing as a few close friends have made one,i've decided to as well. I'm Hoping that it will help me as much as it once did.

I've been hit with a few of those "life-changing" questions lately. I'm not quit sure how to approach them though. One of them,MOST people would not approve of at all. So thats why i dont even talk about it to anyone. The other,is the most obvious,which is,"Will Kayla really move?",some people really dont think i will,because i've met so many amazing people here,which is true. I'm still moving though. Virginia Beach isn't quit definite yet and i find myself laying in bed at night wondering if i'd actually be happy there. Being farther away from most family and friends. The truth is,i'm going to keep moving until i find happiness,pure happiness,that lasts longer than a couple days,or throughout the days of a relationship. I know i sound crazy because there may be no such thing as "pure happiness" but i do know that i could be a lot happier than i am right now. I dont like the person i am here,i want to be out in the world doing something with my life. Sometime in my life,i really want to go on a mission trip somewhere,serving god. All i'm doing here is working,barely paying bills on time and working some more. Ok,maybe thats a bit exaggerated but i work a lot. haha. and yes i do have friends,but most of those friends have something else pre-occupying their time. I find that im turning into a person i really dont like. Someone who's mood can instantly be switched from happy to pissed off. Friends see it,i know they do,and the sad thing is,MOST of them KNOW not to say anything because it wouldnt help things. It would just make me more mad. So its not weird for people to come over and me be in my room with the door shut and locked. I dont know whats wrong with me but the more i type in this blog the more i realize its not good. What i do know is im not a nutcase!!! ahaha :] ... i just need to put things in priority and get my life back on a straight path. i just feel that if i stay here,ill just be doing the same thing im doin now,or Maybe october will come around and i'll stay. I'm not sure whats gonna happen. My life is in gods hands and wherever he leads me,i will go.